Thawing A Duke's Heart (Faces of Love Series #1) Page 6

  He was pacing back and forth, clenching and flexing his fists. I could tell he was working hard to put his emotions in check.

  “That rake! How dare he tell my personal business to the world?”

  I was afraid to answer. I wasn’t exactly sure if he was talking to me. I had to do something to calm him though.

  “In Dunlop’s defense, it was only Elisabeth and I. He didn’t mean it in a malicious manner. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

  He huffed and continued pacing. I watched him march back and forth, the sound of his rich brown boots clicking on the wooden floors in front of the mantle. I debated sitting on the small sofa behind me, or one of the reading chairs. I was afraid to move though; I didn’t want to anger him more. So I stood still as a statue, waiting for his emotions to subside.

  “I know that it must be heartache for you to think of it. I am truly sorry I brought it up,” I tried to pacify him. “But it is proof that deep down inside, you do believe in love, that it is possible. You could find it again.”

  “Now stop right there!” he said in his commanding Duke tone.

  He stopped his pacing and came down on me with all of his anger. “I was stupid! I was a stupid boy! Frivolous and innocent and unrealistic!” He was waving his hands around. “Nothing good can ever come of that kind of irrational behavior. I didn’t love her. I was attracted to her. I was settled in the fact that we would be matched together, nothing more. She, on the other hand, lusted after others, and was not sensible enough to be responsible about it.”

  “She hurt you, but that doesn’t lessen what you felt for her.”

  He gave a cynical laugh. “It was attraction and nothing more. Love is nothing more than a fabrication of carnal desires. It is simply a whimsical name for irrational behavior. It can happen to anyone, no matter who the person is. It is animalistic and nothing more.” He said all this with irritating finality.

  He was standing in front of me now, having stopped his pacing. I could feel the heat of his heaving chest from his rage. I wasn’t frightened by him though. As angry as he was, he was also open and truly vulnerable for the first time. I was so frustrated that he couldn’t see it himself. The simple thought of this woman brought so much emotion into him; I couldn't understand that he didn’t see that it was the loss of love that he felt.

  I was just as stubborn and willing to dig my heels in as he was though. “Just because you have suffered at the hand of love, Your Grace, doesn’t mean you need to ruin it for everyone else. Your heartache is understandable, but that doesn't mean you need to be such a…such a rotten man toward everyone else! You shut everyone out, you put every small bit of happiness down as naught. You are so rude and unfeeling to a whole gender because of one woman. You have taken all your emptiness and made others around you suffer for it. Dunlop told us because he cares about you. So many care about you and would do anything to see the real you, the one that is happy and smiles and laughs, but you won’t let anyone into your heart!”

  I was practically on my tiptoes, doing my best to raise myself up to my full height in squaring off with him.

  “I’m sorry that I care so much for my friend that I won’t let him make the same mistakes I did. I have resigned myself not to marry, and yes, it is because I no longer have faith in your sex. But Dunlop has insisted upon it, that is his choice, but I will not let him go into it without the full knowledge I have received from such endeavors. I can’t expect you to understand.” We were practically nose to nose now.

  “Why? Because I am some temptress woman incapable of any real purpose or feeling without alternative motives?” I wanted to scream and wring his neck in frustration. How could one woman rattle him so?

  He moved back from me for a moment and seemed to ponder this. Then his mouth split into a wicked grin. He took a step closer to me, closing the small gap between us.

  “I bet you have never been kissed before.”

  I took a step back from him. I couldn't believe he was asking me that. I flushed red and refused to answer. Of course, I had never been kissed before.

  He nodded in understanding and stepped forward again.

  “How do you feel about me right now?”

  “Honestly,” I said. “I would like to box your ears, Your Grace.”

  His grin widened even more, and he slipped his hands around my waist, pulling me hard against his chest. I pushed against his chest with no success. He looked down at me, ignoring my futile tempts to release his grip.

  “You see, I am probably the last person in the world that you could find yourself falling for. You can’t stand me. But with a simple kiss, I could change all of that. It is emotions and nothing more. Love is the name we give to that animal desire to procreate. And just as fleeting as it is for our animal brothers, so it is for us. Love suggests a commitment and eternal bond. It is impossible and nonexistent.” He wrapped one hand completely around my waist so as to keep me from escaping while he brushed my cheek with the other. He lifted my chin again to look him in the eyes.

  “I will scream,” I protested.

  “No, you won’t,” he said before cupping my cheek and dipping his head down to mine. He lightly brushed his lips against mine. It was a feather touch. My heart started to pound and race. I stopped pushing his chest and instead gripped it to keep steady. I involuntarily tilted my head. I could feel the smile of satisfaction to my reaction on his lips as he brushed mine again.

  “Why do you insist on being so stubborn? No matter. I will enjoy proving this to you.”

  Then he kissed me. Soft and delicate. I couldn't help but reach up to his neck, and urge more from him. I parted my lips and let him explore my mouth. I let my hands explore his hair while he pulled me harder against him. A small moan escaped as he released my lips.

  He was looking down at me in a wild wanton manner. I imagined my expression was much the same. He was doing his best to control his heavy breathing. Luckily, he kept his hands tight around me. I don't think I would have been able to stand on my own if he hadn’t.

  “See, what you’re feeling isn’t love. It’s nothing more than carnal desire. A natural reaction to the coming together of a man and a woman. You wanted to box my ears, remember? It is simply passion, and nothing more.”

  I wondered who he was telling more, himself or me. I could see that he was just as out of breath as I was. He was looking down at me, debating whether he should kiss me again. I wanted him to so badly. I couldn’t lie; I had wanted box his ears a moment ago, but at this particular second, I couldn't remember why. His hands tightened around my waist and his head dipped just slightly.

  “Gaffton,” I moaned from somewhere deep and carnal inside of me.

  He took my mouth again, urged on by the whisper of his name. This time, there was nothing soft or gentle about it; it was full of passion and desire. I met him with all the vigor I held inside myself. He released my mouth long enough to lift me into his arms. His emerald eyes were alight with wanton desire. He laid me down on the small sofa behind me and came down on top of me. I barely had time to adjust to his body on top of mine before his mouth enveloped me again.

  He was carrying the bulk of his weight with his arms on either side of me. He lifted his mouth from mine, out of breath. I could feel his need against me. I arched my hips instinctively to meet him.

  He moaned in satisfaction. “Mary,” he hoarsely whispered. “Please, tell me to stop.” He rubbed one thumb lovingly across my lips. He was pleading with me to stop him. I seemed not to be the only one who had forgotten all the malice we had felt toward each other only a moment ago. This man seemed to rattle me in every way possible.

  I wouldn’t stop him though. I couldn’t stop myself, let alone him. I arched my hips again, never letting my eyes leave his. He gave another moan of satisfaction and came down on my mouth again. He was ravaging me, but it wasn’t enough. I felt him grab my leg. Slowly, he pulled up the silk of my royal blue gown, exposing my silken leg underneath. He wrapped it around him, set
tling himself deeper between my legs. I lifted my hips again in hungry desire. This time, he grated his own hips against mine. I arched my back, closing my eyes, and moaned. I had never felt something so exquisite in all my life.

  “My sweet Mary, open your eyes,” he whispered against my lips.

  I opened them to find him looking down at me. It wasn’t fire or passion I saw; it was pure affection. He kissed me softly on the nose before grating his hips again. I moaned in satisfaction again, but didn’t let my eyes leave his. He was smiling down at me. It was euphoric to see that my pleasure brought him pleasure. I would to do anything to make this man happy.

  I knew in that moment that it wasn’t lust anymore, at least not for me. Yes, I was attracted to him, and I was certainly intoxicated by his kiss, but it was more than that. I loved him. I would give the world for this man. He may have successfully shelled his emotions from the rest of the world, but I saw him now for who he was. He was so kind and caring. His hurt had guarded him from letting anyone else in, but even with his determination to make himself a lone man, alienated from all others, he had still cared enough to protect Dunlop and to protect me from the scorn of my family.

  I wrapped my leg tighter around his as he continued to move on top of me. I wanted more though. I didn’t want the confines of our clothes between us. I could feel something growing inside of me, something I had never felt before. It was hot and wild and strange and I never wanted it to stop, but felt as if I would explode all at the same moment.

  “Gaffton, please!” I begged. I didn’t know whether it was to stop or to continue.

  His hand had been making its way up my silk stocking. He gripped the back of my thigh now and pulled me in tighter against him as he pushed his hips one last time. I let out a small scream in an explosion of emotion. It was as if a dam had burst. He took my mouth with his to quiet me. Suddenly, he stilled.

  “What was that?” I heard my mother’s voice from nearby, not far enough down the hall.

  Gaffton bolted upright in an instant, grabbing me and pulling me up also in the process. I could hear the turn of the library door. It all happened so quickly, and with the explosion I had just felt, I wasn’t right on my feet. I fell into Gaffton’s arms. He caught me just as I heard a gasp from my mother.

  I turned my head to see my mother and Lady Cadwell standing in the doorway. Mother looked like she was about to faint. I could imagine how horrible the scene was. I was completely disheveled, trying to kick the last of my dress down to the ground, my hair was probably a wreck, and my lips still tingled from the liberties he had taken with them.

  Gaffton immediately took a step back, still keeping one arm outstretched at my shoulder to keep me steady for a second longer. He cleared his throat. “Lady Mary was just giving me a tour of your fine library.”

  I was still doing my best to catch my breath when my father and Lord Cadwell came in behind them.

  “Ah, there you are, Your Grace. We have been wondering where you went off to. Come and try some of my fine brandy,” Father said, completely unaware of what Mother just interrupted.

  Worse, she didn’t even see the full severity of it. Father must have thought that Gaffton had been here with us three women and not just myself, because he was completely innocent to any wrongdoings.

  Mother immediately burst into tears, turned and fled the room. Father looked after her, confused. Lord Cadwell was just as confused. “What was that about?” Cadwell asked the group in general. Lady Cadwell stood as still as a statue, unable to respond.

  “I am sorry to say that I must take my leave,” Gaffton said finally. He turned to me and bowed properly. I curtsied out of habit, but was unable to look him in the eye.

  He stopped in front of my father before leaving. “I am sorry. I…I am grateful for your hospitality. I highly respect you.”

  Father stood there, confused at the meaning of Gaffton’s words. “Of course, Your Grace is welcome here anytime.”

  With that, Gaffton walked out of the library and quickly out the townhouse. I immediately excused myself to my room.

  CHAPTER 11

  Disgraced

  * * *

  I lay in bed, waiting for Julia to come upstairs and into our room. I should have been mortified. I should have felt disgraced. All I could do was rub the tingle still on my swollen lips. Mother would never speak to me again, I was sure of it. She would most likely send me away. To where? I wondered.

  No doubt that the events of tonight would reach the ton by week’s end. I was completely unmarriageable. I should have been happy about it. That meant Mother couldn’t berate me any longer. I wouldn’t have to pretend to be trying. I was strangely disappointed though. I had developed feelings for Gaffton as a friend over the last few months, but tonight was a turning point. It wasn’t just the passion. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. I wanted to make him happy, to have a family with him, to be by his side always. My heart had been irrevocably sealed to his.

  My heart immediately sank at the thought. He didn’t feel the same. I suddenly realized the hurt that he had felt for Abigail. It was as if something was being torn out of my chest. I curled up on my side in bed, contemplating the fact that I would forever love him, and he would never feel the same for me. He had said it himself; it was lust and nothing more to him.

  I had that sudden desire to do anything to make the pain go away, bury my heart, anything possible that I could do to feel nothing. I completely understood him now. I knew he had built his wall to prevent any more heartache, but never realized he was also numbing himself to what he must constantly be feeling.

  Julia silently came into the room and began to undress for bed. I laid on my side as tears silently streaked down my face. I did my best to pretend I was already asleep.

  Julia wordlessly climbed into bed next to me. She sighed sadly. “Lord Cadwell wouldn’t stop asking Lady Cadwell about what had gotten Mother so upset,” she finally said in the dark. She must have known that I was awake. “So Lady Cadwell finally told.”

  That was all Julia said and then she rolled over and went straight to sleep.

  The next morning, I didn’t come down to breakfast. I felt emotional and physically drained. My eyes were swollen and red from a night of crying. I finally determined that I would die if I stayed in my room any longer. I put on my simple tan morning dress and made my way downstairs. I had first hoped to escape to my usual retreat in the library, but that room would forever hold a different presence. I was startled to find my sisters outside of Father’s study, desperately trying to listen at the door.

  “What are you doing?” I whispered to them.

  “Shhh,” Rebecca hushed me.

  “The Duke of Gaffton is in there,” Julia explained.

  Panic immediately caught in my throat. Why was he in there? Had Father called him here? Maybe he was yelling at him. I was froze in place. I so desperately wanted to know what was going on in there, but was terrified at the same time. Suddenly the door opened and Gaffton solemnly stepped out. He was the perfect proper Duke again. He turned and shook Father’s hand gravely. My sisters had fluttered away from the door and were standing off to the side. Gaffton turned and spotted me instantly.

  Turning back to my father, he said, “May I please have permission to take Lady Mary on a walk in your garden?”

  Father gave a begrudging nod of agreement.

  He walked up to me and held out his arm, “Lady Mary, may I please have the pleasure of your company on a turn of your garden?”

  I slipped my arm into his. The warm tingles I used to feel at his touch were now like shooting electrical volts. He looked down at me and gave me a weak smile. It was just a smirk really, but it was that peek into the relaxed Duke that I had come to know.

  We walked out silently and for a while just strolled around the garden arm in arm. I couldn’t imagine what he would have to tell me.

  Finally, he spoke. “We will be married in two weeks.” He said it softly, but matte
r of factly.

  I halted from shock in my tracks, yanking him to a stop also. He looked down at me sorrowfully.

  “I don’t understand,” was all I could manage to get out.

  He sighed in resignation. “What is there not to understand? I have compromised you. I will do the honorable thing. We will be married.” Again he said this matter of factly.

  “I can’t, I won’t.” As much as my heart leaped at the thought of marrying Gaffton, I couldn’t. I couldn’t marry a man because he felt honor-bound to do so.

  “Mary,” he said softly. “I have ruined you. This is you only chance. I know we don’t always get along, but I promise you will never want for anything. I will respect your wishes. If you never want to see me after our wedding day, I will understand. I never meant to…I’m so sorry.” He cupped my face with his hand and gently brushed away that troublesome curl.

  “Your Grace, I can’t marry you. I told you I will only marry for love, not because someone feels honor-bound to do so.”

  He sighed again. I could tell he was struggling to control his temper toward my stubborn determination.

  “So you will spend your whole life a spinster?” I shrugged. I had assumed that I would after last night. “Think of your sisters. I have not only ruined you, but also any chance of them making proper matches. If not for my honor, then do it for your family.”

  My shoulders collapsed at this. He was right. I had ruined us all. I couldn’t ask my sisters to give up their future for my desires for romance. I would marry the Duke. I didn’t care how much pain it would cause me to be with a man I loved who could never return my love. I would do it for the sake of my sisters, even Rebecca.

  “Okay,” I finally gave in. “Two weeks,” I said simply.

  He walked me once more around the gardens in silence. Then we went inside and I saw him to the door. He left with a simple bow and kiss on my hand. I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes. Those beautiful green eyes that I could see with my eyes closed. If I looked at him, he would know. He would see that I loved him, and then he would have to tell me that he didn't feel the same. That I could not bear.